Believe in Me

I'm stupid. I'm really, really stupid. I'm failing nearly all of my classes, I'm sure of it. I just want to believe in me.

Light Me Up

They're being mean to me. And I'm really scared. They keep spreading rumours about me, and one of them added me on Facebook, then said mean things about me on her wall. I don't know what I'm supposed to have done. What if it gets worse? I can pretend I don't care for now, but what if it gets worse?

When does it get better?

Tied Together With a Smile

I'm happy =)
I had academic review today; apparently I have the ability to stand up to people I don't like. Thinking about it, it's true. I'm the only one who calls out Amanda. I try not to let Gertrude and that lot see they're getting to me, which is about I can do to combat the cowards.

Defying Gravity

"It Gets Better". When? I was watching the It Gets Better Project videos; "...Who you choose to love..." choose?! Why would anyone choose this?!

Only Chris Colfer's video is at all encouraging. Out of the ones I've looked at that is.

Fuck my life. Fuck it. I have the word FREAK scarred into my arm because that's what I am; a freak.

I watched Glee this week; "Courage"; you have no idea how much that meant to me. But what the fuck can I do about a bunch of bitches who are too afraid to say anything to my face? They told the whole fucking school before I was ready to be out. Of course, this is mainly Amanda's (the only reason I'm protecting her identity is to protect mine) fault; she outed me to my form, some of whom told Megabitch (who shall be named Gertrude). They've been spreading rumours about me, too - what I don't get is why Janet (one of Gertrude's friends) is helping to spread a rumour that I have a crush on Janet.

My best friends are making fun of me too - I know they don't mean to hurt me, but they do. And I don't want to tell them why.

I named this defying gravity because I want to defy gravity - in a number of ways. I want to be a little girl again, and fly away to Neverland when things get tough; no need to worry if I liked Daphne from Scooby Doo a lot more than Fred. I want to defy gravity in that I have no body; I want to die - I wouldn't commit suicide, in my mind that would be cowardice on my part; but I want to die. I also want to show Gertrude, Janet, Martha, and Alyssa (who is quite nice) how much better I am - defy gravity in the sense Kurt Hummel did.

Make Me Wanna Die

Yeah, so a lot has changed. I hate Abigail, who now gets drunk, stoned, smokes, and has sex on a regular basis. I should stick by her, but I'm sick of being the one to pick up the pieces.

I don't really talk to Sophia, but her and Abigail hate each other now.

I still like Anna. Anna's still straight.

Most of the school knows I'm a lesbian. Thanks to someone I'm not particularly fond of. She says things about me behind my back, and upsets me so much I want to die. It's not the things she says, it's that she's lovely to my face.

I dated Anna's best friend, because I thought I'd gotten over her. Turns out I haven't, and now her best friend can't get over me. God, she thinks I didn't see that look on her face when I was teaching Anna to play Fireflies on guitar.

I think Anna might know I like her, or she might just know that I'm worried about her, because she almost broke down crying a couple of days ago when I asked her what was wrong, and she doesn't cry. I've magically just so happened to buy her favourite foods, and learn her favourite songs on guitar recently. I something's wrong, and I don't want her to have to go through it alone, whatever it is.

My parents spilt up, and my step-dad won't move out, even though he said he would months ago. I'm taking my GCSEs next year.

If anyone reads this, did any of you have a crush on a cartoon character when you were younger? I always liked Jessie from Toy Story.

You're Not Sorry

Sophia is annoyed at me for repeatedly whacking the wall today, because the noise frustrated her. No one else cared. However this was after she called Anna names and I told Sophia to piss off, so that may have been a contributing factor.
Abigail is also annoyed at me for walking away from her today. Every time she cut she said "I'm sorry, I won't do it again", but she always does. Today I pretty much said "You're not sorry" and walked away.
However, Anna adores me. I offended most of my class in defending her, but she is a much better friend, in all honesty. I also almost missed my bus saying goodbye to her, and still waved out of the window, which made her laugh. I came out to two more people, and another girl told one of them to "keep her cake hole shut", which I found amusing, because I didn't actually tell the girl who told her to keep her cake hole shut, her best friend told her.

All The Things She Said

I shall name my best friend whom I once had a crush on Sophia.
I shall name my best friend who I do not believe has been mentioned before Abigail.

Well, my internet went down about a week ago, so I haven't been able to update this. The title is about what Abigail told me recently.
She likes Sophia. Sophia is straight (although everyone thinks she's just in the closet). Sophia kissed Abigail because she thought it might help. Abigail now wants to kiss her again. Sophia has been ignoring Abigail ever since she kissed her. But Sophia doesn't realize how much she is upsetting Abigail. At all. Abigail has scars up her legs. Sophia can't know. I would love to add something happy to that, however, I can't.

You know I said I didn't want to tell Sophia I liked Anna? Sophia guessed and asked Abigail. Abigail told her she was right, but not to let me know. I don't mind, it saves me an awkward conversation. Sophia was looking through my pencil case a couple of days ago, and found a piece of paper in it, with her name surrounded by hearts all over it. I blushed for half an hour after that.

Abigail is amazing, and as much as I adore Sophia, I can't help but hate her for hurting Abigail.